My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's official drugs can't kill me
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
