u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
