I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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