I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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