this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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