Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
