I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
