haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
her vagine was all disorganized.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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