why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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