Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
