Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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