you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
