That's when you crack a 10am beer
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
