Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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