You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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