Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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