I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
