Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
