so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
