What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
This baby is an asshole
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
