When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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