I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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