New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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