ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
