You're so nebulous sometimes
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Text me some of your sweat
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
