I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
