Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
