You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
