WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
