i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
