She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
