I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
