Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
