Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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