Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
