You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
