I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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