And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
