Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she looked like the before picture.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
