i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
