is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
