First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
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