you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
