it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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