I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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