You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I will be naked everywhere
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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