We're facebook friends in real life
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
