I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
