I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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