im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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