You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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