dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
