God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
