My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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