i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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