I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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