god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
