I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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