I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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