In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize