I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize