I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
