i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
