4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
