When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
id be glad to
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
