Got a toothbrush?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize