dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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