Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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