Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
