dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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