I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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