Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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