just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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